I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
