I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
