the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
