I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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