I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
