New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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