Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
