1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
