The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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