Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
