A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
