it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you had me at cake vodka
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
