I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
