i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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