I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
