i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
