ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
