so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
