forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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