I didn't shave. On purpose
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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