Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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