i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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