Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
