Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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