You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
