That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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