If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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