yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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