her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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