lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
