So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
