I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
