Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
