My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
