Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
