You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
