We're facebook friends in real life
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
birth control should be required to get into college
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
