Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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