i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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