I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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