this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
