your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
