That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
