I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
