You smell like stripper and shame
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
