sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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