Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
