I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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