Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
