brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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