Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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