Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
