i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
