Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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